here we go again

i've been restricting for the past ... like four or five days i think? i started feeling just unbelievably fat every day. uncomfortable in every stretchy inch of my body. and now, after just a few days of not eating complete shit, i think i might weigh less than i did at my "best" when i was really working on the SGD. i find that hard to believe. i totally binged on my day off ... but also purged three or four times and took laxatives.

regardless, my home scale says 133.4, which if i recall correctly is five pounds lower than my official scale at work. there is no way i only weigh 138 pounds! that is almost as good as last year when i was super gung-ho and restricting and fasting and taking diet pills and laxatives, etc.

i guess it's possible ... i guess i didn't gain back as much weight as i thought i did after i gave up on restricting. i lost a lot of weight last year, and maybe i only put back on a few pounds. that will make getting lower numbers a lot easier that's for sure.

i feel like i should go for a walk.

i'm in it

Fucking terrible. I need to lose .7 pounds per week if I'm going to meet my very reasonable initial goal weight. I will be going on a vacation and meeting a guy I've known for years on the internet but never met. This is 16 weeks from now. It's not that hard. Fucking work for it for god's sake.