Tuesday, June 18, 2013

it came to me in a dream ...

Well, once again I disappeared because I fucked up. But now I've realized how close I am to the wedding, and I need to lose more. So I had my "last meal" of pizza on Sunday, finishing it around 1:30am. I have been fasting since, putting me at roughly 40 hours without anything but coffee and gum. I'm going to keep it going tonight, and will actually probably pass the 48-hour mark if I don't eat anything at work and sleep until 2pm tomorrow. That is my hope. If I get weak AFTER hitting 48 hours, I will have a banana and nothing more.

Then tomorrow, I'm going to try for a strictly fruit day and next I'll do my best on SGD. I am fucking serious with myself this time. I gained back around 5 fucking pounds. I will be back under 140. I think I have probably lost 2 pounds since yesterday. I took an hour-long walk on the beach today and it felt great. I will try to get my ass moving more often.

I had a dream this morning that I broke this fast with almost an entire pizza. I wanted to go back for more, but my best friend Ann told me to stop. She told me I've been working hard, and that I need to get back on track and that she had faith in me. I think it's hilarious that it was Ann in the dream ... her name is so close to Ana. My dreams lately have been very current ... I have been dreaming about things/people from that day. Kind of strange.

Anyway, so I'm feeling good. I woke up super early today, about five hours before I even need to leave for work, but going to the beach and drinking coffee have helped me stay away from food this afternoon. Then work is cake.

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