ugh. there is a reason i stopped drinking. i felt so fucking fat this morning. my gut was sticking out like a white trash beer belly. i shouldn't have gotten on the scale, but i did. i'm going to ignore it for today and hope that extra pound was whiskey/water weight that i will drop. i can't do that again. i felt so disgusting, i can't even describe it.
oh, and it turns out the particular brand of whiskey i drink (powers irish whiskey) is 69 calories a shot. i had five drinks last night. awful, awful, awful. and i feel drained and have to get my shit together to leave town after work in the morning so i won't be getting any exercise at all today.
i'm a disaster. and my self-prescribed "fat days" haven't even begun yet.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
drrrrrrrrrrrrunk
i'm drunk. i haven't had that much to drink in like ... a long time. and i would love to eat my entire box of reduced fat cheez-its. but i will not break my NO FOOD after 6pm rule.
hard-ass bitch.
hard-ass bitch.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
ladies in waiting
it feels like it's been forever, but i guess it really hasn't. haven't felt like reading or writing, i guess.
but just because you haven't heard from me doesn't mean i've been slipping. :) in fact, this morning the scale made me downright giddy. i've lost another 1.4 pounds, bringing me to 154.4. i have been doing well at restricting and continuing to walk at least a couple of miles a day.
but on sunday i'm going home (three hours from where i live now), and while my parents know i've been trying to eat healthy and whatnot, they will likely take me out to dinner. (i'm both secretly hoping they take me to red lobster and praying they don't.) and then on monday my girlfriends from high school and i are all getting together for a day/night in san francisco. i'm driving home, where two of them still live, and the three of us will drive to s.f. to meet up with our other friend, who is visiting from new york. it was all her idea to get the four of us together for the first time in ... shit, it's possible that it's the first time we've ALL been together since high school. that's ... a loooong time! i'm completely broke, but my dearest friend said the trip wouldn't be complete without me, so she's paying for my food, drinks, entertainment while we're there. :)
needless to say, i'm super excited about spending quality time with the old gals, but of course dreading the knowledge that i WILL overconsume (food and alcohol!) and will NOT be able to purge a bit of it. but you know what? i have been so so so good for almost four weeks now, without any calorie-heavy days to speak of. part of the reason i haven't given myself any free passes was because i knew this mini-vacation was coming. so, for those couple of days, i'm going to make smart(er) choices (than i would in the past) but i'm not going to be obsessive. i can't promise i won't feel guilty about it once i get home and back to my routine though ;p
aaaaaaaaaanyway, i was all paranoid about this potluck at work tomorrow but they've rescheduled it for next wednesday, one of my days off. so that's a plus, for sure. so i'll be good until sunday when i arrive at my parents' ... except tomorrow evening i will likely head to the bar for a drink or two and to watch part of the ballgame. who knows, it could turn out like the other night, in which i played more than two hours straight of ping-pong. hah. but i always factor the whiskey calories into my day anyway.
i feel like this is an ultra bore ramble session. anyway, the moral of the story is i'm gonna be fat this weekend. hah! ya'll be good to make up for my transgressions ok? :)
one more thing, because i didn't have anyone else with whom to share: today i wore this bright green polo shirt that has been my poochy belly's enemy for months now ... when i tried it on this morning, looked in the mirror and puffed my belly out as far as i could ... a liiiittle tiny tummy bump, barely visible. i cannot tell you how great i felt in my body today. i haven't felt that way in ages. and it's only going to get better :)
love love love
but just because you haven't heard from me doesn't mean i've been slipping. :) in fact, this morning the scale made me downright giddy. i've lost another 1.4 pounds, bringing me to 154.4. i have been doing well at restricting and continuing to walk at least a couple of miles a day.
but on sunday i'm going home (three hours from where i live now), and while my parents know i've been trying to eat healthy and whatnot, they will likely take me out to dinner. (i'm both secretly hoping they take me to red lobster and praying they don't.) and then on monday my girlfriends from high school and i are all getting together for a day/night in san francisco. i'm driving home, where two of them still live, and the three of us will drive to s.f. to meet up with our other friend, who is visiting from new york. it was all her idea to get the four of us together for the first time in ... shit, it's possible that it's the first time we've ALL been together since high school. that's ... a loooong time! i'm completely broke, but my dearest friend said the trip wouldn't be complete without me, so she's paying for my food, drinks, entertainment while we're there. :)
needless to say, i'm super excited about spending quality time with the old gals, but of course dreading the knowledge that i WILL overconsume (food and alcohol!) and will NOT be able to purge a bit of it. but you know what? i have been so so so good for almost four weeks now, without any calorie-heavy days to speak of. part of the reason i haven't given myself any free passes was because i knew this mini-vacation was coming. so, for those couple of days, i'm going to make smart(er) choices (than i would in the past) but i'm not going to be obsessive. i can't promise i won't feel guilty about it once i get home and back to my routine though ;p
aaaaaaaaaanyway, i was all paranoid about this potluck at work tomorrow but they've rescheduled it for next wednesday, one of my days off. so that's a plus, for sure. so i'll be good until sunday when i arrive at my parents' ... except tomorrow evening i will likely head to the bar for a drink or two and to watch part of the ballgame. who knows, it could turn out like the other night, in which i played more than two hours straight of ping-pong. hah. but i always factor the whiskey calories into my day anyway.
i feel like this is an ultra bore ramble session. anyway, the moral of the story is i'm gonna be fat this weekend. hah! ya'll be good to make up for my transgressions ok? :)
one more thing, because i didn't have anyone else with whom to share: today i wore this bright green polo shirt that has been my poochy belly's enemy for months now ... when i tried it on this morning, looked in the mirror and puffed my belly out as far as i could ... a liiiittle tiny tummy bump, barely visible. i cannot tell you how great i felt in my body today. i haven't felt that way in ages. and it's only going to get better :)
love love love
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
walk walk walk walk
sorry if all the little posts are annoying. it helps keep me going.
so this morning i walked 2.6 miles, got dexatrim max (which is treating me right today) and some sugar-free candy. also a new flavor or orbit gum, strawberry remix or something. super yummy.
breakfast:
yogurt (80)
rice cake (35)
snack:
two werther's candies (16)
eight grapes (15? 20?)
probably going to have a veggie burger (with bun - 200) as dinner before i head down to the bar for happy hour. so i will have empty intake there (each shot of whiskey is 50 calories), but my friend is going down with me and i made her promise to play some ping-pong with me in case there are no other opponents. so, i'll be burning more on the walk there/home (1.2 miles total) and hopefully get in about an hour of playing time. i just need to get out of the house, and my friend has been begging me to hang out for, like, at least a week. should be fun :)
love
so this morning i walked 2.6 miles, got dexatrim max (which is treating me right today) and some sugar-free candy. also a new flavor or orbit gum, strawberry remix or something. super yummy.
breakfast:
yogurt (80)
rice cake (35)
snack:
two werther's candies (16)
eight grapes (15? 20?)
probably going to have a veggie burger (with bun - 200) as dinner before i head down to the bar for happy hour. so i will have empty intake there (each shot of whiskey is 50 calories), but my friend is going down with me and i made her promise to play some ping-pong with me in case there are no other opponents. so, i'll be burning more on the walk there/home (1.2 miles total) and hopefully get in about an hour of playing time. i just need to get out of the house, and my friend has been begging me to hang out for, like, at least a week. should be fun :)
love
chipping away
well, it ain't much, but i will SO take it!
-.4, ladies :)
here's to another good day, for all of us. stay strong.
love
-.4, ladies :)
here's to another good day, for all of us. stay strong.
love
Monday, May 23, 2011
every day is exactly the same
it's my friday night ... not that it's very different from any other. i suppose i'm awake a little later than usual :p
honestly i just want to go to sleep so i can wake up and weigh myself ... i FEEL different every day, but the scale thus far is not really reflecting that. every day is exactly the same, save for the ONE where i lost 2.2 pounds. now it has just stayed there.
because i'm not walking to work tomorrow, i've decided to walk to the coin shop and turn in these silver quarters i found. four of them, each worth six bucks (score!). thennnn i plan to walk to walgreens and use that money to get a new bottle of diet pills. i've already burned through most of this slimquick bottle and honestly i don't think it's doing anything for me.
thank god tomorrow is my only day off again (picked up another six-hour shift on wednesday). i dread the hunger and boredom of a day stuck at home, just me and my cat. so i'm going to do my best to keep myself out of the apartment as much as possible tomorrow. truthfully, i wish i had a few extra bucks to go to the bar and play some ping-pong tomorrow. i am so lonely and i feel like the less and less time i spend socializing, the more anti-social i am becoming. oh well. it's probably for the best. right now, my weight is my top and really only priority. i need to focus or i will fall off track.
hope ya'll have a wonderful tuesday. stay strong.
love
honestly i just want to go to sleep so i can wake up and weigh myself ... i FEEL different every day, but the scale thus far is not really reflecting that. every day is exactly the same, save for the ONE where i lost 2.2 pounds. now it has just stayed there.
because i'm not walking to work tomorrow, i've decided to walk to the coin shop and turn in these silver quarters i found. four of them, each worth six bucks (score!). thennnn i plan to walk to walgreens and use that money to get a new bottle of diet pills. i've already burned through most of this slimquick bottle and honestly i don't think it's doing anything for me.
thank god tomorrow is my only day off again (picked up another six-hour shift on wednesday). i dread the hunger and boredom of a day stuck at home, just me and my cat. so i'm going to do my best to keep myself out of the apartment as much as possible tomorrow. truthfully, i wish i had a few extra bucks to go to the bar and play some ping-pong tomorrow. i am so lonely and i feel like the less and less time i spend socializing, the more anti-social i am becoming. oh well. it's probably for the best. right now, my weight is my top and really only priority. i need to focus or i will fall off track.
hope ya'll have a wonderful tuesday. stay strong.
love
mind over matter
so i figured i should write now, right after work ... rather than coming home, scarfing "dinner" and then staaaaring at the clock waiting for it to be 6 so i really know my eating time is up. instead, i had a little food when i got home (half a sandwich thin and like 1/3 of a piece of deli chicken, total 61cal) and will have my last meal of the day (probably a plain veggie burger, no bread, no nothing) in a little bit. doing the blog routine works wonders on moving time along :)
so far today ...
breakfast:
coffee w/creamer (30)
popcorn (100)
lunch:
yogurt (80)
snacks:
that "sandwich" i mentioned (61)
walked to work and home, which equals 26 minutes or 1.4 miles.
walked 22 minutes during lunch break, probably another 1.2 miles.
i have been trying to find an estimate for how many calories these walks burn for me, but every site i read gives me different numbers. and i know it has a lot to do with speed as well. i am not sauntering on these walks. i am walking very briskly. so, based on what i've read, the walking i did today is anywhere from 150-325 calories ... ugh. a bit broad! anyway, i actually use the lower number because honestly, the more i believe i burn the more likely i am to use that as an excuse to have more calories. as we all know, this whole process is 99 percent mind over matter. so telling myself i haven't burned very many calories helps me restrict my intake.
so with the veggie burger for dinner (100), i will be at 371. nice! haven't had a day other than my fasting day below 400 in the past week, so i'm happy with that.
aaaaaaaaand i've made it to 4:30 without starting my burger yet. :)
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