A lot of writing today, but I need something to pass the time. I still need to wait a few hours before I go to bed (my graveyard work shift means a weird sleep schedule) and I'm not exactly hungry, but I think that's because I've been doing things to keep my mind distracted.
So Thursday was a bad day, Friday was a good day and Saturday will be a challenge. I'm going to a sort of housewarming party that I've been looking forward to for a while. Of course I knew there'd be booze, but the hostess just sent out a note saying she's got tons of snacks and things wrapped in bacon ... good god. I don't know how I'm gonna do it. Fucking bacon. Glorious, terrible bacon. I would say, "have just one" ... but as we all know, that's a dangerous slip that, if you're not careful, will turn into a fall. And as much as I love drinking, I've been thinking about not doing so at the party, which would actually weird people out more than the no-bacon thing. But jesus, man, 50-60 calories per shot? Drinking used to be something I looked forward to, something that relaxed me. Now I just sip on those drinks and count the calories up and up and up. I mean, I can just make myself a whiskey and water and nurse that baby all night. Then that would give me a little bit of breathing room for a couple SMALL snacks. I'm going to try not to eat at all before the party tomorrow. I'll save my calories for the party. It might be nice to eat something other than the stupid sandwiches and salads and popcorn I've been eating lately.
But I will stay in control. I will be aware of everything that touches my lips. I will ponder every decision as if it were life or death. I will treat myself but I will not destroy my progress. I will stay away from all of the snacks for as long as possible. I'll want something the moment I get there, but I'll tell myself to wait a half-hour ... an hour ... keep waiting, keep fighting. I am stronger than bacon.
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