Wednesday, May 29, 2013

don't forget

Well, work was bad tonight. About an hour before my lunchtime, I decided I needed food. And a lot of it. And something I shouldn't eat. My co-worker gave me her ATM card to run down to the store to get us both some lunch and get brownies and cookies and ice cream for everyone. I bought those delicious Safeway chicken strips, which I haven't had in forever, and it was wayyyy too much for me. I ate two pieces and thought about taking the rest home, but gave it to my co-worker (she did pay for them after all) ... then I ate like three chocolate chip cookies, four or five brownie bites and two servings of ice cream. At first I was like, fine, whatever, so I fucked up tonight. Then I remembered, "Oh hey I can purge!" I swear, sometimes I totally forget that's an option. So I purged at about 12:45, which was within an hour of eating all that shit. And I purged GOOD. I thought I'd only get the treats up because I had had the chicken strips an hour before whereas I ate the treats 45 minutes before purging. But I tasted the chicken strips in my purging as well as the treats. I love how easy ice cream makes it. I kept going and going and going until I couldn't go anymore. I instantly felt lighter ... but I figured there was still plenty in there to digest and that it would be reflected on the scale when I left for work. But I weighed myself at 4:30 (almost four hours after purging and about five hours of eating, so plenty of time for things to settle in) ... and I was at an incredible 137.4, down almost an entire pound from yesterday. I don't know how that's possible, but I really hope it is true. So I enjoyed myself but didn't ruin myself, it looks like. Now I've got tomorrow off and I need to be good. I have to. I already feel weak about it though, and thinking about what I'll want to eat when I'm drunk ...

I also weighed myself on my own scale just now when I got home to see what it said, so I can still see what happened after this night. My scale is cheap and shitty, and always gives a lower weight than the scale at work. It says I weigh 132 without any clothes on. So when I weigh myself in the morning, as long as it's 132 or lower I know I'm safe from my weakness at work. Like I said, I am NOT 132 pounds, but I can just add four pounds to whatever it says and will have roughly the correct weight.

Very curious to see what it says in the morning. I sure would love it to stay at 132 (it would mean I really dodged a bullet after that binge) ... but even better would be lower than that of course :)

OH! I almost forgot. This chick I worked with tonight who I haven't seen in a few months (our schedules are usually opposite) said when she first saw me, "You look like you've shrunk!"

I loved that. Even more than having people say, "You're getting skinny!" There's something more significant about the word "shrunk." I enjoy seeing people after all these months of hard work, because the people who see you every day don't really notice, but the ones who don't are just taken aback.

So yeah, that was totally awesome :)

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