changes

Good morning. I woke up from terrible dreams and my whole body hurt. I'm trying to get out of this recent, awful haze of what feels like very little sleep. Like I said, putting aside the Xanax has really changed my sleep. I feel like shit when I wake up. However, feeling like shit pretty much squashes hunger. Like right now, I am eating a Luna bar and told myself I'd just take small bites to keep it going ... thing is, all I can take is small bites. My whole body feels disgusting and not just in a fat way. Of course, I have to remind myself that I *am* on my period. That's definitely part of it, too.

So I'm nibbling on my Luna bar (190), sipping on a diet soda hoping the caffeine will lessen the haze, and thinking about the rest of the day. I was considering taking a frozen pizza for lunch today, but that would put me close to 500 calories for the day. Yesterday's sandwich was probably in the range of 600-700, so I've got to make up for it today. So instead, I'll take a bag of popcorn (100) and a few grapes for lunch. I might try to avoid the popcorn, but that would be three days in a row of not really eating on my lunch break. I should probably give myself a few calories to keep me going through the workday (although popcorn is not exactly the most substantial "meal").

I meant to get up early enough to go buy a new pair of work pants. The ones I bought a couple of months ago are super baggy and I'm constantly pulling them up. I think they are size 12. It's hard to believe that's how big I was just a few months ago. I mean, they were a bit big on me because I worry about shrinkage, but the point is, I was not confident buying a size 10. Now, I'm guessing I'm a size 8 ... still not where I want to be, but it's not bad for just a couple months' work. And it's totally the lowest I've been in I don't know how long.

Wow. I still haven't finished my bar. I still have like 1/4 of it left. Not bad at all.