Today ended up being a weird day. It was crazy busy the first half of the day, and all throughout I was feeling lightheaded and shaky and felt like the walls were closing in on me and like my body was shrinking in my chair. Not to mention the gnarly headache (and I verrrry rarely get headaches). I thought I just needed to eat my lunch (280-calorie pizza), but I still felt weird ... like my limbs were separate from my body. I felt like I was gliding when I was walking. I knew it wasn't from lack of food; I can tell the difference. Plus, I've been eating around 600-700 calories a day, which is plenty to keep me going. Suddenly I realized that I had forgotten to take my daytime crazy medication. I have never missed a dose before. Once I realized that, I started freaking out, major anxiety attack. I couldn't breathe. I told my co-worker I had to run home and get the medication. The drive was terrifying. My vision was scary sharp, as if I had just gotten a new prescription in my glasses. I felt like I might swerve if I drove over 25. Made it to my apartment, downed the meds and took a Xanax to get me by till the meds settled in. Got back to work and within an hour I felt like a million times better. But in that hour I decided I needed to treat myself and relax with a Twix. I know, I know. Pathetic. With that bar, I ended up at 530 calories for the day. Unnnnnfortunately I also grabbed a small cup of chocolate ice cream from the freezer at work. I don't know what the calories are in that, whatever. It was good for my soul. Plus, I weighed in at 147.3, which is super close to my lowest weight during ABC. I know I shouldn't "reward" myself by packing in extra calories, but oh well. It helped feed my soul more than anything. As you can probably tell, sweets are totally my biggest weakness. I'm gonna stay away from them when I go to my parents' house this weekend, though.
Speaking of, I know they're taking me out to Red Robin tomorrow. My go-to meal there is usually the crispy chicken tender salad, but when I went to the website to check the calories ... fucking 1300. But the website has a cool customizing option, so I fiddled around with that and found that if I substitute the crispy chicken for grilled, use balsamic dressing (which is what I prefer anyway) and stay away from the garlic bread that comes with it, the whole salad is only 636 calories. And I usually can only eat half of it ... although that's because of the fatty fried chicken and the bread ... but even if I ate the whole thing, I'm still staying in my range of 600-700 for the day. I'm pretty good at making the drive home without eating. I always starve myself before I have dinner with my parents. There's a lot of fat even in my low-cal version, but also a lot of protein, which I am seriously lacking lately. So I'm going to enjoy my meal tomorrow and it shouldn't weird my parents out too much that I'm only really switching the chicken on my meal. I'll still be eating plenty in front of them.
Saturday might be hard. I don't really know what I'm going to do all day. The weather should be nice so maybe we'll take a nice walk ... my mom can go shopping with me (I need smaller pants, a new belt and new towels and bedding) ... maybe watch a movie ... in the evening, play cards and have a few drinks. I'll try to get my parents to make tacos for dinner to keep the meal somewhat healthy. I usually skip lunch every time I'm there anyway, so yeah. This all sounds pretty nice actually. I could use a relaxing vacation day. Then Sunday I'm mostly on my own; I'm driving to Sacramento for a concert.
All in all, this should be a good weekend.
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